Juices:
-- 2.25 qts kale/apple (1.5 lb kale, 12 apples)
-- 2.5 qts celery/apple (2 heads celery, 12 apples)
-- 2 qt water w/MSM & lemon
-- tea with honey
Exercise:
-- 20 minute jog (2 miles)
Haha, thats a lot of apples! They were a lot smaller than usual, so the juices still tasted basically the same...
Woah. Woke up a bit late today (but still with plenty of time for juicin'), so I didn't get to squeeze my morning update in. Merh. I've been running around the house like a madwoman, sweeping, scrubbing juice remains off of the stove, sinks, blender...I also did laundry and slated even MORE clothing for recycling.
I'm getting rid of stuff faster than it can be replaced! Awesome? I'll be hitting some thrift stores this weekend for sure. I am a little sad about the $300 Banana Republic suit that no longer fits me, though. Haha. I'll get over it! I can safely say that none of my work pants fit any more. The couple of pairs I am holding on to is just for the sake of having something to wear to work, lol. I am also down to three dress shirts, I think I tossed out five already. Luckily I just wear sweaters/knitted shirts most of the time or I'd be in trouble.
Hm, so I'm really productive/not sleeping, can't complain. I feel great right now! All day I was really craving solid food...mostly raw, and a good deal of whole cooked foods. For about an hour or so after I got home today, I kept debating as to whether I could continue with my feast or end it after thirty days. I stayed with the feast again this time out of laziness. Things are going really well and I don't want to screw anything up. I look great and feel amazing.
I should also mention that I'm slightly terrified of how my eating habits will turn out when I return to solids. I haven't made a decision as to what I want to do. I feel like I'll definitely be eating intuitively, but I also don't want to get back into solids without a concrete idea of what I want for myself. Right now, I really want raw food. I love the way it makes me feel, and the past 1.5 years has been predominantly 100% raw.
The problem is, when I eat cooked food, I EAT COOKED FOOD. We're not talking brown rice & steamed veggies here. I eat really really god awful, terrible (but pescetarian at worst & mostly dairy-free) things when I eat cooked food. This can last for days.
One time, I ate shitty cooked food for nearly a month before I absolutely had to stop because I'd become so sick and my clothes stopped fitting me. Its not even eating -- its nonstop binging. I blame these patterns 100% on the raw/cooked dichotomy that I'd instilled in my thinking. It really brought out these awful, compulsive behaviors full force. Its unlike anything I've experienced while eating raw foods, or ever in my life before I began a raw vegan lifestyle.
What I want most from this feast is for that type of compulsive thinking to stop. While 100% is amazing and I feel best there, part of me feels like "allowing" myself 2-3 whole food, cooked meals per week. This would be much better for me than eating 100% for three months then causing serious damage to my health by binging on all kinds of imaginable junk food (read: fast food veggie burgers & fries).
Today I was craving rice. Badly. The more I thought about it, I've been craving rice for the past 31 days. I don't know if this is because I work in a public school where I can smell lunch cooking all day. I don't know if its because I smell starch cooking all around me everywhere I walk in Bushwick. I might just like rice! A lot. At what point do I determine the difference between, "You want rice because you are addicted to it," and "You want rice because there is something in the rice that your body really needs."
Victoria Boutenko argues that you can never really get rid of the addiction, you've got to stop cold turkey, you can't be 95% raw foodist, etc etc. I mean, I can't promise that the 2-3 vegan cooked meals per week won't turn into vegetarian, then to pescetarian, then to fried crap, then to whatever the hell else. I can't promise my plan isn't going to backfire, and thats why it makes me really nervous.
I do know that whatever happens, keeping myself on a consistent exercise program, as well as 1-2 quarts of fresh green juices in addition to whatever else I'm eating is going to help immensely. Feeling like I'm being healthy and doing okay is really what makes or breaks it for me.
This where I get really confused. When I finish the 92 day juice feast...the physical addiction to cooked food should be, for the most part, gone. Dormant. Right? So, at what point do I decide to reintroduce these addictive substances? While I'd rather reintroduce them in a controlled manner that is acceptable to my mental and physical health, instead of returning to my former habits, why reintroduce them at all?
Why the hell would I choose to eat cooked food? I almost feel like eating cooked 2-3 meals per week is like giving up on myself ahead of time. Kind of like, "well, I know you're going to eat it eventually Alison, this is just preventative damage control." I know I shouldn't feel that way. Negative thinking got me here in the first place.
To me, reintroducing cooked food after a 92 day juice feast feels a lot like a recovered heroin addict showing up at a methadone clinic three times a week.
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5 comments:
I love your post tonight! Thanks! I TOTALLY relate!
Oh yeah Alison, I totally relate too. We are in the same boat and having a lot of the same thoughts and have also been going back and forth with this process for many years. Sometimes we try to go cold turkey and then I think that it hasn't worked in the past and we are better off allowing ourselves simple, whole cooked foods occasionally to keep things from being even worse, but who knows what is the best way. One thing I know, is that making sure to have a really good morning raw routine of green juice and super foods shake has been a huge help and allows more rational decision-making later in the day. But I think these years we've all spent are a transition time and we are at least collecting a lot of knowledge about our own addictive habits!
xo Jill
As a former sugar junkie myself, I recommend you try that tea without any honey. You'll still get the warmth, but you won't get the sugar. Here's why I say this:
I'm new to the juice feast idea and reading a few recommended blogs (yours being one of them), and so I'm reading your entire blog at one sitting. If you read your posts from the beginning, you may notice a pattern - when you switched to green juices (lessened the fruit sugars), you amped up the honey. Just try going without that honey for a few days and see how you do. I predict you'll have some withdrawal symptoms around day three. I have so been there! Best wishes!! Your blog is very inspiring. :)
I have this same conversation with myself almost every day. You just wrote it down for me. I guess we have to decide a day (or sometimes 5 min.) at a time.
Pixy
Wonderful post!
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